“If you do not see her, BE HER.”
As I watched the #metoo movement swirl around my social media feed I began to feel less alone on my journey of life after sexual assault. Yet, I still longed for more. I wanted to see the conversation taken further than a hashtag, location, and age of sexual assault/harassment. Not to diminish the power in the #metoo movement, it “is, was, and will” continue to be powerful. I just desperately wanted to see myself mirrored in another. I wanted to know I wasn’t the only one who cried on the kitchen floor and struggled to build meaningful relationships.
In 2018 I heard a calling, “If you do not see her, be her.” My first reaction was, absolutely NOT! I cannot share the one secret I hid from most of the world. I cannot, “BE HER.” The calling grew louder like an annoying echo. I then knew, with every part of my being, it was time. Time to remove my mask of shame and step out to share my story of life after sexual assault. Time to be the woman I so desperately wanted to see. This came to fruition in the form of my first book, titled, Who Will Love Me? A Holistic Approach to Building Meaningful Relationships After Sexual Assault.
“…who am I and what do I know about the affects sexual assault can have on building meaningful relationships? Simply put, I am you. The woman who consistently questioned, “who will love me?” after being sexually assaulted; the woman who has fallen to the kitchen floor while doing the dishes because the painful weight after is too much to bear; the woman who has tried to hide her feelings from others and herself, which eventually forced me to lead two separate lives.”
~Excerpt from “Who Will Love Me?” Written by Melissa Ann.
Melissa Ann holds a Master of Arts degree in Holistic Leadership from Salve Regina University with additional training in the creative and expressive arts. She is currently a Doctoral student in Leadership Studies at Gonzaga University. TOI Magazine featured her in their April 2019 issue for Sexual Assault Awareness Month.